The experiment of when I am not doing anything, what do I do is coming to an end? Argentina and South America will be in my heart forever and I know I will come back here. The best ice cream, meat and wine did leave an impression on my, but as always I came to love the people. I came here quite socially exhausted after an intense half a year in Stockholm. I haven’t felt the need really to meet too many new people and friends here, yet, the ones I have met, have all played an important role in shaping this experience to what it became.
As I arrived I wanted to be alone. I wanted to understand that if I don’t need to do anything, what do I do? If I don’t keep running, what is coming up? If I am in a learning environment that I am creating, how does it look like? If I don’t receive any inputs on how things are supposed to be, how are they? Now I few months later, I have answers to these questions and in addition a new energy. These questions might appear as basic, but for me at this point in my life they were crucial. If I arrived here emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually quite exhausted, I am leaving with a feeling of being ready again. I want to take on new challenges and I want to meet and be around people again! I have deep respect for the people and the experiences that have contributed to this sense of calmness again. Eckert Tolle writes in the Power of Now that you will enter periods of not feeling peaceful, the real challenge is how you can minimize those periods, not avoid them.
This journey has been about trusting. Trusting that whatever happens is the best. That whatever I encounter I am equipped to handle. Whatever that comes up from within I welcome. At times I have been confused and lacked clarity, but nature, important relationships and myself have made those periods short, discovering and empowering…I am leaving Argentina in a week from today with clarity about what this journey has meant to me, i.e. the recent past. I also leave this trip with flow feeling of not escaping from the now, but just trying to cultivate and love that moment, whatever is there. In addition I have clarity about my future. My immediate future in the sense that I am looking forward to go to Geneva for the Youth Forum (http://www.youthforum2009.org/) and then to Tallberg (http://www.tallbergfoundation.org/) but also to know what I want should happen in a little longer time perspective…! I am not sure it will happen, but what I can impact is knowing what I want, and I do. Having said that I don’t intend to run there, just focus on what I can impact, every moment.
This journey has also been about further developing my compassion. Compassion towards myself in the sense that I am allowing time every day to physical and spiritual growth and also towards my closest relationships. I have also developed compassion towards nature, discovered that nature makes me calm and cities makes me stressed. My nature discovery is not new, but this journey, because of my travels and experiences has deepened this relationship. I am connected on a spiritual, emotional, physical and also intellectual level. It is incredible how much nature have to teach us about how it organizes itself, its warning signals and beauty. Some of the strongest memories that I am taking with me is the Aconcagua expedition, the untouched grounds in Peru and Bolivia, "Bonito-Bonito", my volcano climbs in Colombia and of course Pantanal in Brazil.
This journey has also been about choice. Everything I have done here has been done because of my choice. At first a choice impacted by how I was supposed to feel and relate to the experience, but today a choice that is mine. How many times during the day do we forget our choice? How many times do we ask ourselves why these things happen to me? How many times a day do we complain about others, forgetting that we have a choice for how to relate to others, life and ourselves? I have great respect for people denying their choice because it is hard to every moment realize that you have a choice. The responsibility can be overwhelming. Some moments just doesn’t feel good so why I am choosing not to feel good? Probably because there are things that needs to come up for processing…as they come up, there is no need to try to shut them down, because they will come back, what is important is that you recognize that you choose to feel that way. As the choice is recognized you have discovered that you can impact the situation and you chose to process what needs to be processed. Though I am writing about myself in third person here, all of these are my struggles, struggles that I am proud to recognize because I learn from them.
It is hard to believe that I only have one week left.
Until next exchange
Emanuel
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