Free flowing

At home.

Saturday night.

Don’t feel particularly energetic. I am not sure why, but will give a go at journaling about it.

Have had delicious food. A wonderful evening with my love. I am reflective. I don’t know how I feel about the last few weeks – they could be described as professionally enhancing. Personally enriching. Great learning. Experiential. Still not sure how I feel about the.

Loved last weekend as I did a running race – survival of the fittest. 12 k with hurdles – I finished in 1h 02 min+ something. Really enjoyed it, felt proud that I could push all the way through the race. Thinking of it – that is probably my highlight of the last few weeks. Great people around, cool atmosphere, great training! More of that!

As for work – I have been spending time in, the UK, Sweden, Germany, Poland, Czech republic, Switzerland and Austria and on Monday I am going to France – the travel agenda is immense at the moment, and in all of the travels and work my creativity and personality is very challenged. I am performing, I am doing well, but for some reasons I feel quite reflective about the number of hours I spend, where I channel my energy, the inspiration I give to it and the inspiration I get. What is important is that I am learning and the learning curve is almost beyond what I can cope with at the moment – everything from hard facilitation, and leading an agenda, to process and ways of working development, market selection and creative design development – the role stretches me and I am learning!!! Learning and energy giving activity and surrounding is critical. The learning is there – I have the drive, but I am also challenged by very late nights in dark hotel rooms where I am catching up work that I supposedly could have managed at an earlier hour.

What I love with the learning that I am going through at the moment is that some of the ways in which I do things that I have trusted to date needs to be re-evaluated in this new setting and context. I need to re-learn an approach or generally expand the ways in which I assume my role in different situations. I wonder when this happened before? It probably happens regularly for people, but I am not sure I have always been this conscious of it as I am now! In the past I have always tried to create a blue print for how things works and how I should behave to be efficient and achieve my goals. I think the last few years, my approach have been the same, but now I am in the process of expanding/evolving it – not throwing away my past ways of doing things – just adding new in my library. In the end – to be able to select “which golf club” to play, I need to sleep, train, spend time with family and friends and recognize that leadership for me will as I know it today be about clarity, compassion and choice – but the way I play on a day to day basis will vary on the situation – a situation I can only identify and see if I am present and show up – i.e. feeling and playing in the field.

Wow – sorry for mumbling – but these are very raw thoughts in an emotional feeling that isn’t great, but that already have some clarity around why its there!!!

I am learning, but my energy level is rather low – partly because of physical exhaustion, but also because of the fear of sitting my young years in empty dark hotel rooms doing serious stuff that I actually have the entire life of doing. If the learning wouldn’t be there, I would probably be doing something ells, but the learning is awesome, super intensive and very aligned to my personal objectives, so hey, I am a very fortunate person at the moment – yet just appreciating that I am quite challenged at the moment.

I appreciate impossible to follow, but meant a lot for me to write down.

Until later

Emanuel